Earl Grey

I must confess, I love to explore the men I meet along the way with my tongue. They rarely seem to object, of course. They're downright helpful with the directions, "A little further to the left, and around that corner."

One of my favorite explorations is find out what's at the bottom of a good old salty nut sack. Call it tea-bagging if you like, it's just a fine afternoon delight, complete with snacks. A dip in my mouth and I guarantee the balls go home clean. I do the thing pretty well, I think. I've never had a complaint.

Ragland

Hannibal, Missouri is like many other places in America. It is a withering old city whose height of prosperity left town about a century back. Today the center of life in Hannibal, like so many other small old cities like it, is the local Wal-Mart, a big-box abomination at the edge of the community. Though, even in decline, Hannibal has fared better than most places like it. The place is blessed with the great Mississippi River, which flows past its front door, and the was the hometown of perhaps the greatest American writer, Samuel Clemons. After all, what better place to go to find a writer's inspiration than to pay a visit to the wellspring of creativity, and boyhood home, of one Mark Twain.

Hannibal, Missouri. Home to Tom Sawyer, Becky Thatcher and Huckleberry Finn; the river and the memory of Mr. Twain have kept the city alive as a pilgrimage for tourists. The city calls itself "America's Hometown," and the tourists like to think it is, though it's a hometown of their imaginations, since they mostly now live alongside non-descript strip malls filled with Applebee's and Olive Garden's. Green lawn hells of MacHouses and ever-so slightly curving streets off the Interstate crammed with SUV's.

For its great tourist attraction, the boyhood home of Mark Twain, the city has thankfully been spared the Disneyesque treatment. You can still imagine a young Samuel Clemons in its streets, and pick out the actual locations he described in his novels. Beyond the tourist strip, it's a bleak place, this Hannibal. It has the smell of decay. Even its grand-river view is walled off by a massive levee and sea walls, barriers to the annual floods. It's an economic necessity, and the levee keeps places like Hannibal safe, though the grassy wall seems to darken the whole town.

The great river itself is still a wild thing, no matter how hard the Army Corp of Engineers has tried to tame it. The high April water has swept just over its banks, just enough flooding for the river to let you know that it flows by its own rules. South of town are Tom Sawyer's caves and wooded wild islands like dark sunken steamboats with names like Gilbert Island and Denmark Island. I wonder which of them might be Jackson Island. Does anyone read anymore?

Mark Twain's America was a nation on the rise, ours seems to be a nation in a spiral of decline. Funny how from his point to ours we haven't solved the issues of the day. The same damn issues of the day, his or ours!

At the edge of downtown looms a derelict Minor League baseball park surrounded by a huge limestone wall. It's a massive ballpark. It must be 500 feet to straightway center field. According to the sandstone markers at the gates, the place was once called Clemons Field, though its current owner, the City of Hannibal, has inexplicably renamed it Ragland Field. Behind home plate rises its great canopied grandstand of concrete and steel. The park once sat thousands. Once, when the place was the heart of the community. Now it is a rutted ruin with pits along the foul lines where light stands once stood.

This April, at least, I managed to bring Ragland back to life, if even for a few moments, though it was a slightly different bat and ball game. You see, I found my man, lurking on the river bank not far away, passing the time along the Mississippi, and lured him back to Ragland for a little late-night roll in the weeds in Center Field. I always wanted to get fucked in Center Field in some baseball park, and Ragland's vast outfield surrounded by stone walls proved more than perfect for such an occasion. Totally private, yet I out in the open enough to let me imagine a thousand fans looking on from the ghostly grandstand over the shoulder of my newfound friend's humping hulk on top of me.

Ragland Field. You must stop by some day. A fine old ballpark if ever there was.

Writer’s Block Happens

Sometimes I have the worst time of it.

I can stare at the blank page for hours, days, weeks. Other times the thoughts flow out into my fingers like water and I can't write fast enough. I haven't written a thing in weeks. Not even a grocery shopping list. These are the times I find it best to simply recharge, and hopefully reflect and, cash willing, explore. Today someone wrote me he thought I had an "old soul." I think perhaps this is true. I find myself forever hearing the faintest whispers of the past. The whispers seem louder in certain places for me, at rivers and crossroads.

They speak to me.

Opening Day

As much as we like to think we wander through a world that is fresh and new for us, we are forever walking through the streets of the cities of the dead.

This idea seems fairly easy to grasp in a city like Detroit, where I live. You can see the layers of earlier people, earlier lives, and the present they built for us, today, without having to look too very far.

In a larger sense, we all follow the old traditions, the old celebrations, and possess the old fears and failings of those before us, here, where we live, in the cities of the dead. I often feel a presence of those that walked these streets before me, as though they were still among us. Sometimes they seem to me to have aura of undying spirits.

Today I suppose I am revealing a little of my complexity and indulging myself by diverging from my favorite subject, sex, to pay respect to one of those great spirits.

Old timers often tell me they consider him second only to Dr. King in their pantheon. He wasn't a great seer, a philosopher, or an activist. He was never trained to change the world, but he did. He was a baseball player, just a baseball player, but not, of course, just a baseball player. The poet Sean Pamphilon reminds us that, "Pioneers pass before their time. Sometimes they wear a boys' uniform in a cowards world, a world that reluctantly looked in him in they eye on April 15, 1947."

Opening day, April 15, 1947.

Long before my time. Still I think, like the old-timers I talk to, that somehow our world is, in fact divided into "Before Jackie" and "After Jackie." He had the courage to take the field alone, and we now know how great a burden that was for this baseball player. He carried the world on his shoulders, and living the life of Jackie Robinson, being Jackie Robinson, it brought his life to an early close, but I think not his spirit. Not the fire.

I see this photograph of Jackie Robinson, at the age of 28, just about my age, on Opening Day in 1947 and I see the powerful spirit.

I see.

Quiet as it’s kept…

I'm pretty upfront about my sexual philosophies.

Sometime guys say I'm too deep and nasty for their tastes; that I'm way too raw by half. They don't like a female to be so blunt with her sex so much. I don't worry about it. I guess those guys and I will never get along with it anyway. I prefer the guys who like a low bitch.

In fact, I guess I might be about the dirtiest bitch you can imagine. I think I must have been born this way. Where I'm from, some of the more hard core fella's talk about how they can "break a bitch," make something go "pop" someplace in her mind, and turn an innocent female into a dick craving slut.

Maybe they can "break a bitch," but I think those females were about 90% there already. As for me, I'm more like 110%. Sometimes I'm the one that has to drag the nasty side out of the guys I'm with. On the freaky sex thing, I want to punch the gas pedal and go!

I've got a whole philosophy about sex shocks a lot of men if I say it. Though deep down, if you put the question to them, most men agree with me. Fundamentally, the female's place in sex is to serve a man for his total physical pleasure. If that sounds like sex is inherently degrading for the female, then you heard me right!

Isn't it?

Isn't kneeling between a mans legs and sucking his dick sort of degrading? Isn't spreading your legs and having a man repeatedly stick to you with a dick inherently degrading? Of course it is. And we're just talking some plain vanilla sex here.

I like the full power, the full degrading power of the sex act. I like a man who'll kick the god-damn walls down and treat me like the slut I am.

As rough as this truth may sound, I believe we're talking about natural order here. I know of no society, past or present that really believes any differently, though they may pretend they do in "polite" company.

Thousand Island?

Here's another one of those freaky fetishes I've got. I like to do the "tossed salad" thing, you know, lick a guys asshole. Nothing tells a man he's got a nasty freak like tossing his salad. You know, any truly nasty bitch will tell you thats something she likes to do for a guy. After all it's all about serving the man for the totally physical.

I might do the long deep ice-cream lick, or the swirly clockwise on the thing, but I like to work my tongue down there for a man, show him my rim shot. I read someplace about a guy who thought it was about the most ultimately nasty thing he could make a bitch do for him. "When she's sucking a dick, her mind can be thinking she's doing something else, when she's slurping ass, she knows she's down there sucking a guys' ass!"

Sweet!

Diaspora

Some days I can stop anywhere that’s quiet enough and hear them speak to me, just faintly, like the first breath of spring. Or I might turn a corner and catch a glimpse of them from the corner of my eye, or hear the faint percussion of the mizik roll like distant thunder.

In mirrors I see ancient memories, thrice forgotten. In the twilight of my half sleep their voices grow clear, and I know they are here with me, these spirits that I serve.

Faster, Stronger, Harder, Longer

When I'm doing it with a man, if he ain't trying to break his dick off in me, I figure I must have done something wrong.

Sometimes women who call themselves feminists ask me why I would let men do me like they do, and (well) encourage them to do so.

Well, first of all who says I have to fit their mold of how a woman should act? Secondly, I'm not so sure that I'm not the one who is actually "liberated." After all, I don't believe in marriage, I support myself, I enjoy myself when I want, how I want, and I can pretty much keep up with any testosterone-driven fiend out there, wherever he may be. So all I have to say to those women is - oh, stuff it!

'nuff said!

How to Slob' on a Knob

Even the homeless guys don’t usually bother to sleep in some of the buildings in our town, and in our town we have a lot of places just like it. You can pick out what the spaces were previously used for from the archaeological levels of debris piled up on the floor, if you've got the courage to walk into the open doorways to begin with.

This particular building might have been a choice business location fifty year ago, now it’s just another abandoned ruin.

The doorway to this corner building seems to have once had a nice set of double glass doors. The doors were stripped out long ago and in their place somebody put studs to hold up the door frame, and then nailed a sheet of plywood across the front to keep out the tramps and the elements. There isn't much left of the plywood. There’s an incongruous sign in red and white advertising a nearby “party store” nailed to the right side of the door. A "party store" is the local euphemism for a place that sells cheap Malt Liquor to alcoholics.

It’s an oddly inviting doorway just the same for anyone who’s willing enough to navigate the tangle of dry rot to go inside.

So today I did just that. Somebody dropped the idea into my head to pick up some guy for one of those little illicit afternoon quickies that I like to do from time to time, just to get the taste of a good dick in my throat.

Once I identified my “Mr. Right” (or more accurately Mr. Wrong) and elicited from him the properly rude street-seduction and invitation to “get on the dick,” I let him pick out the location, since Mr. Wrong is not the sort of guy I like to take home with me. Not if I plan on having a T.V. and other valuables in the morning, anyway. But I’m the kind of bitch who can hold her own, so I followed him through this peculiar passageway.

Besides, with the veins in his neck bulging, it was pretty obvious that his brain was too preoccupied with the actual possibility of sex to think about thieving or any other skull-duggery.

As for me, it was all a matter of honor, since the man said he doubted I could handle all of his dick. “Are you going to break me down and bone me like you own me,” I asked? He smirked, and answered gleefully, “I’ll nail your ass to the cross!”

OK, come on, what hard core slut can resist such a nasty and sacrilegious proposition?

So I followed him to paradise, knelt down, unzipped his pants and prayed to the dick god. He rewarded my supplication with the appropriate throat-gagging head fuck, which after 15 or 20 minutes ended happily enough for both of us. He with his hard grunting load spurt straight down my throat, and me with the thick creamy mouthful he left me to remember him by.

While I never quite got the bone-work and crucifixion he had previously advertised, the location was hardly appropriate for that sort of thing. Besides, its 43 degrees out today. Too cold to drop my drawers, but a good day for a full throat slob' on his knob.

Just another pleasant afternoon in the city!